When my son was first learning to talk, I remember placing him in his high chair one morning and putting a plate of bananas covered in peanut butter on his tray. He looked up at me with his little pinkies extended, and clearly, as one might say, “Hi,” or “Bye,” he said, “Fuk.”
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“Fuk,” he said. And once again with more emphasis, in case I didn’t hear him the first time. “Fuk!”
It was the third time he’d used that word this week, and every time he did, I thought, “Dammit. The fact that I have a foul mouth has finally come home to roost.”
Friends had warned me if I didn’t clean up my language, it was going to rub off on my son. Until now, Eddie wasn’t old enough to understand what I was saying. It appears that’s now changing.
I was never one to care about cursing in front of children. Before I had my son, I even resented having to curb my language. I hated the way when we’d visit friends with children, I couldn’t get a story out without constantly being interrupted with “Shuh!” or “Achem!” every time I said a four letter word. These same friends usually had prohibitions on anyone watching shows like “Law and Order” or “Family Guy,” in their homes because they deemed the language or subject matter to be inappropriate for children.
“So we all have to suffer?” I would think.
My husband has even gotten on my case about word choice.
“You know he said ‘Fuk,’ the other day,” my husband said.
“Yeah, I’ve heard him say that, too. I think he was talking about his ‘truck.’ I don’t know why he calls it that, but he meant ‘truck,’ “ I said.
“Yeah?” my husband said.
“Yeah,” I said.
While using profanity may not be genetic, the idea that it shouldn’t be verboten apparently is. My father thought the prohibition on cursing was ridiculous. But more than that, he thought such a prohibition actually encouraged it. To prove his point, he conducted a scientific experiment in our home when I was young. He told me and my brother that under no circumstance could we ever use the word, “Gherkin.” It was simply forbidden. And don’t you know, whenever I felt angry, the first word I would utter was, “Gherkin!” When I felt defiant? “Gherkin!” Frustrated? “Gherkin!” In our house, this miniature pickle was something to be avoided, not because it tasted bad, but because if you said it, you could get your mouth washed out with soap. When the experiment was over, and I could use the word “Gherkin” as freely as anyone else, I no longer said it, proving his point.
Years later, I replaced “Gherkin” with any number of George Carlin’s “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.” The words weren’t just alluring because they were prohibited. When I used them, I seemed to exude toughness, something I didn’t feel as a shy youth who was afraid to express her opinions. People seemed to think a girl who uses foul language eats nails for breakfast and can kick your butt, if not physically then verbally. Nothing says “strength” like a string of sewer-mouthed invectives.
Of course nothing says “disrespect” like a string of sewer-mouthed invectives, and that’s what I’ve finally come to realize. People have strong opinions about cursing. In a crowded room full of chatter, profanity is jarring. It sounds menacing, like shattering glass. When you use it, people form opinions about you that aren’t always good, just as they might form an opinion about someone who has a tattoo or a nose ring. And some of the people forming those opinions will be my son’s teachers or prospective friends. I figure Eddie’s got plenty of time to disenfranchise himself from the people around him. I should at least let him get to second grade before that starts happening.
But I know Eddie doesn’t have a chance in hell of keeping his mouth clean unless I clean up my own mouth, and I need to do it fast. He’s already begun mimicking the things me and my husband do. He’s started calling me, “Scay-bee,” the pet name my husband and I call each other. He takes tissues out of the tissue box and pretends to blow his nose, because he’s seen me do it. He sits briefly on his little training potty, grunts once and then says, “All done,” because he watches us. After seeing me put strips of first-aid tape on my chest so that when I go running, my bra doesn’t give me an abrasion, Eddie now asks for tape and then places it on his own chest, in the same spots I place mine.
My son’s daycare is in a church, and when I attended a Zumba class there the other day, I found myself standing next to the daycare’s director. I turned to her, after a particularly strenuous dance routine, and said, “Oh my god, my f—ing ankle is killing me!” As she looked up at me incredulously, I could feel the words float out of my mouth in slow motion the way people describe that moment in a car accident when their vehicle turns 180 degrees before crashing into the guardrail. It seems I need to curb my cursing not just in front of Eddie but in front of his teachers, lest they think I throw curse words around our home with impunity. Much in life is viewed like the “Broken Window Theory:” People will think if a parent allows cursing at home, what other dirty, filthy habits will they tolerate?
I watched Eddie in his high-chair, and he didn’t seem to be eating his bananas. He just sat there staring at them.
“Fuk,” he said again. He then pointed to a drawer of our kitchen cabinet.
“This?” I said and opened the drawer. “Fork!”
I took a fork out of the utensil tray and handed it to my son.
“Fuk,” he said, holding up the fork. He then speared one of the bananas and stuck it in his mouth and smiled.
I was given a reprieve, but I knew it was only temporary. With Eddie now two, I was going to have to begin training my potty mouth now. Because I hear it only gets more challenging as time goes on.
article kept me hooked. 🙂 great pic captions, too!
Bunch of yoofermisms.
I suppose you think this lets you off the effin’ ‘ook.
George – translator, proofreader and registered carer with NHS, London, UK.
Aged 6 and 3/4
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The first time my son said ‘Fruck’, I was in a Publix. He said it really loud. I stopped and just looked him and said, ‘what?’ He held up his truck and said, ‘Fruck!!” What a relief!! lol
Wish you all the best on your journey to a gherkin-less vocabulary! 😀 Enjoyed your post, great piece of writing.
thanks
Gherkin! I love it when kids Gherkin swear! (Your Dad kills me…). I’m a speech therapist, so little kids swearing is never super shocking. Last week a little girl kept calling a peanut.. well. she was calling it something else. Thanks for brightening my day!
-K
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I was dying reading this! It is So bad, but also hysterical when kids swear. And somehow they know it, because then they keep repeating it! ❤
Now what
Don’t worry I’m done
🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
This is a brilliantly poignant topic! My son is 18 and I must admit there are times when I curse like a sailor. Fortunately, his temperament is such that he never curses. If anything, he’ll grunt or groan when frustrated or angry. I suppose we’re lucky he’s never taken to it.
Your title is great too! Love it.
Your fathers “Gherkin” experiment really peaked my interest. I never thought about cursing that way, but it certainly makes sense that a forbidden word is used in such a way.
I agree with you about not cursing in public. I’ve always been careful about that because it does set a tone and invokes assumptions.
Just a brilliant entry. Good topic and well written.
thanks so much!
With great humor, you made your point. Delightful!
thanks!
What if the grandparent have the potty mouth and don’t know how to stop the potty mouth around their grandchild?
Truly, habits die hard and people really are opinionated.
no sooner you use a cuss word they would judge you as a badass queen and kids gosh you really gotta watch yourself they pick up damn so fast.
I couldn’t have laughed more!! I rally enjoyed reading this!
thanks so much
Glad I read this trying get my little one on potty not easy hope thus helps me
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Nice pic
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My son repeated the F word one day. He caught it when he puked in my car and I yelled it, at least 3 times. Puke in a carseat sucks! So we had the “that’s not a nice word, sometimes grown ups use it, you shouldn’t say it” talk. I wanted to be sure not to scold him, after all isn’t role playing what parents model a child’s M.O.?
My 2 year old niece doesn’t pick up anything good I try to get her to say but the one time I curse and that’s it. She’ll repeat it everywhere and I’ll obviously get an earful from family. It’s a good thing she’s got adorable cheeks.
Yes when your words come back at you, you know it’s time to clean up.
I was thinking he meant fork the entire time because my two year old says it that way too! There’s nothing funnier than a two year old mispronouncing fork!
That’s true children are quite observing of what we talk in front of them and they love to repeat those words and that’s their learning process and we as parents should be careful and use decent language when children are present 👍
Haha.. this is good.
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Its true.. A kid first learn from there parents. The parents are the first teacher to them, what ever they see they speak. Its not only confined to the things which we make them learn. So its our responsibility to make them learn good stuff
I love this!! I never censored my children or myself until we moved in with my parents. Oh they would lose it if the kids said a “bad” word. I still can’t understand a word is a word right? Apparently not. It’s almost silly how easily upset people become over a word. When my son started school we had to have a talk “mommy doesn’t mind your sentence enhancers but the teachers won’t like it” but alas bad words are currently banned altogether. And now my child makes me change the radio if a song has a bad word. #thestruggleisreal
Thank you for a realistic slice of life! Amazing what kids pick up (or not).
I too have had problems cleaning up my language. My 9 year old calls me out every time: Mom language!
My eldest came home from primary school one day and presented me with a swear word. I asked him if he knew what it meant. He didn’t. I told my children that the moment they heard me swear, they could do the same. I spent the next couple of decades saying ‘shoot’ and ‘shiver my timbers’ and ‘far out’ and biting my tongue a lot.
I knew they knew the swear words and probably swore like troopers when with their mates. But never in front of me. The positive outcome was that they were able to articulate and communicate without counting on the swear words to do the job for them. 🙃
PS my tong is as tough as leather.
Reblogged this on chipclix.
thank you!
Brilliant!
My nephew’s first word was “asshole” courtesy of an immature uncle who thought it would be a funny ‘Meet the Fockers’ thing to do.
So very cute and sweet
Lol my husband tried to get baby girl to say cook the other day and it came out cock! The next day we went to see Sesame Street Live and when Cookie Monster was on stage I caught a selfie video of her saying cock over and over again!
Ah, my kid isn’t this far yet. I can’t wait.
This story made me laugh, thankyou. Takes me back to when my children were tiny and learning how to talk. When they are teenagers you still have to watch your mouth, they learn a whole new vocabulary and it can sometimes be used back in a less funny way.
I love it! Just the other day i was playing the animal sequence game with my son..and he said “ohshitch ohshitch”. And i was all ready to blow up on him..when he picked up a card from the ground that had an “ostrich” on it! Just a reality check!
My son also enjoys dropping an occassion F bomb…he seems to use it if there are others around. He clearly can see the language used, how relaxed we are with friends and thinks that’s what we do 😂
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My mother tells a story of me shouting Fuk in an old b and b back in the eighties, meaning a fork. She was mortified. I agree with you though!
Funny. I can imagine it being mortifying
This is hilarious! I have a terrible potty mouth, and my kids have definitely repeated a few choice words, always complete with the correct intonation and everything. I am trying my best to reign it in!
I gave my kids permission to cuss now 11 and 13 and they came to the conclusion that it felt weird to cuss in front of adults. “Kids shouldn’t cuss in front of adults and adults shouldn’t cuss in front of kids.”
What a great post. I remember onve ehen i was potty training my now 19 he was doing #1 and looked at me and said “mommy! Me have big dick!” I just about lost it.
this was a great read
Haha!! I love this!
So funny because when we many years ago drove long distance my youngesr shouted bitch not once but several times each time i shouted “yes a bridge.” When he said bugger I said burger? Shall we have one for tea. Almost the oposite to your scenario. Great post and superbly discovered. 😉😇
great writing 😉 my son is 3 and has had some stages of using the f- word
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Fucking great post 😉
Great post! I actually read it thinking it was about potty training (LOL)! But it ended up being far more interesting than reading about training a child to use the potty! Thanks for sharing, and good luck!
Thanks! And I like that; ‘bump and beyond.”
I use sentence enhancers… fortunately the kids don’t.:)
This post is amazing! Had me laughing and reminded me of my little sister saying “Oh sh*t it’s spiderman!” at a spiderman movie premier.
Awesome post and brilliantly told. I suffer from the same sailor mouth, so looking forward (!!!) to my son’s verbal pyrotechnics…
Loved this post, my eldest didn’t potty train till she was like 3 and that was a lot of work
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